Everybody wants to be sure they are financially compatible before they commit to a long-term partnership, but very few are comfortable talking about the issues. Being able to accurately assess financial compatibility is an essential aspect of the dating process and can also be a helpful skill in existing relationships as well.
There is no substitute for spending time together in many different situations, listening carefully to personal sharing, and observing behavior. Let's talk about your money personality. Your money personality is not dependent on how much money you earn. It has specifically to do with values, beliefs, concepts, fears, and fantasies about money. Ask yourself these questions: What does it say to you about another person who does or does not do this?
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How well do you know yourself? How easily were you able to answer these questions?
What other questions do you have? Before you open up a discussion about money be sure to clarify your own money psychology and become aware of your beliefs, needs and issues related to money. When you are dating , it is never too early to offer your points of view about anything to do with money and to listen and observe carefully what others think and say about money. There is nothing about which to feel embarrassed or ashamed. You are in charge of how you handle money.
How I had the money talk with my dude
Money issues come up sooner or later so you might as well be up front from the start. The critical question is how do the differences affect you?
Can you live with the consequences that may result from the differences? Some differences can be easily accommodated.
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Some differences can cause uneasiness in your relationship resulting in resentments that outlive the love. Jackie is an internationally recognized relationship expert, author and coach. Advice and coaching about personal relationships is Dr. With plans to move in together and cosign a lease just a few months down the road, we figured this was a natural and important time to get into the nitty-gritty.
One way to frame your request for a money summit: And I want you to feel like you can ask me anything you want about my finances. To ease any potential tension, my future husband and I decided to meet at a familiar and fun setting: We ordered a round one round only of margaritas and proceeded to jot down the following on a piece of paper: This exercise gave us a simple, quick apples-to-apples comparison and helped us understand our relative strengths and weaknesses.
We discovered that while I had more retirement savings, he had a better credit score.
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I was still dealing with the consequences of a late payment on my Banana Republic Card five years prior when I was younger and less vigilant. You and your partner could try this tactic if you both are straight shooters. But if your sweetie could use some help coming out of his or her financial shell, you might need a softer approach. A Course in Financial Miracles.
What you really want to ask: